We used to enter competitions in a big way but never won anything of significance. We did win two pairs of binoculars at one time though.
The competition required you to name a rhinoceros that was used to advertise Rhino floor covering, and, give a reason for the name. We both put our own entries in.
Me being clever called the rhino Keritona, because it leads the way in durability. (The horn is made of keratin).
Viv on the other hand called the rhino Len, because like my husband, it’s horny and it’s got a big bum.
Now the big bum part is just not true is it.
If I wanted a pair of binocs now I’d go and buy them rather than put up with insults.

When I was ten I had a mouse but I didn't like having it cos it was a dirty creature. I say this because it pooped in it’s bed. And if I picked it up it pooped in my hand, the dirty little thing. I should have got a rat. Mice are incontinent and rats are not. So if you think you’ve got mice in your shed and you see droppings you may have mice, but if you only see chewed stuff and no droppings…….. you more than likely have a rat or rats because rats poop in one place. Now thats a nice thought isn't it.

Remember some of these classic hit songs? Well, here they are.....adapted for those

of us who are getting on in years........

a) Herman's Hermit...Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker

b) Bee Gees..............How Can You Mend A Broken Hip

c) Ringo Starr.............I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

d) Marvin Gaye...........I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts

e) Simon/Garfunkel....Bridge In My Troubled Uppers

f) Johnny Nash............I Can't See Clearly Now

g) Leo Sayer..............You Make Me Feel Like Napping

h) Roberta Flack........The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

i) Commodores..........Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

10. j)Bobby Darin............Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

The next time you hear a singer, sing with them quietly. If you can, they are likely to be in tune. It's difficult to sing along when they're out of tune. Consider Lee Marvin, he produced a million seller hit with Wand’rin’ Star. It was at No 1 one for 3 weeks in 1970, keeping the Beatles Let It Be at 2. The reason….. he was in tune. The track made Gold. His voice may have been gravelly and even missing here and there, but he was in tune.

The advise on this site isn't to say that everyone needs to take it up. If you go to karaoke to enjoy yourself you can improve your singing or not, it's up to you. Maybe you don't need to improve your singing. But like ex Prime Minister Margret Thatcher some of us can improve (did you ever hear her before her eleqution lessons) For those that wish to improve their singing the advise is free, but no responsibility can be accepted for it's use.

A black hole has been discovered at the centre of the milky way-------But my wife Viv, a keen astronomer, has always known about it. She say’s it’s our bank account…..

The prospect for a space elevator has been brought forward with a simple prototype using a broomstick. The project could see a 100,000km long tether anchored to the earth as a lift into space for cheaper space missions. Now that will make us sing as the earth sways out of orbit. We'll all be going woooooh, let's hope we keep in tune

Bee good to bees

Bees can be good for plants in more ways than one. The flapping of bees wings scares off caterpillars, as well as me. Many species of wasp lay there eggs in caterpillars and so caterpillars avoid them. The sounds of bees and wasps are similar. So as well as the pollination bees provide there is less leaf damage. And the honey they produce is good for the throat and hence, the singing voice.

How long did it take for your browser to find and to load this page. Not long I bet, which is amazing when you think of the size of the web. On the web there's around 15 billion pages and it’s increasing by 500 pages per second. So that's about 6500 more pages by the time you've read this paragraph

Government Ministers spent £50 million of taxpayers money doing up their offices last year including £750,000 on pot plants..... And they tell us not to take drugs! 2009

Leonard Cohen’s original Hallelujah sung recently by Alexandra Burke has 81 verses.

The new advise from government when a Chip Pan blazes is to get out, stay out and phone 999  Chip pans are the most common cause of house fires in the United Kingdom, with around 12,000 chip pan fires every year, with 1,100 chip fires being considered serious. Late night eating was found to be at fault for many blazes in the kitchen, with almost half of the 4,900 chip pan fire casualties last year taking place between 8pm and 4am.  Chip pan fire burns accounted for 53 per cent of non-fatal injuries in household fires, with almost two in 10 resulting in some kind of casualty. and 50 deaths per year.
But who is responsible for most of them.  Men cooking after drinking. 

39 pubs a week are closing in the Britain in the North West two pubs a week closing thats 56 in the 2nd half of 2008 as at 13/02/09
People now drink more at home than they used to, which begs the question, is it best to be a social drinker, or a lone drinker?

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